So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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