You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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