My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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