I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
