Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
