Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
