if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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