No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
