he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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