two words: eviction party
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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