dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
