I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
