he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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