sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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