Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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