a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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