Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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