nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
