Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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