flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
