We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
