I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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