If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
