Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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