A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
