a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
