So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
be right there i have to get my cape
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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