i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
