Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
