think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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