Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
