Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
