Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
