im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
