OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
