we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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