anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
