you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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