did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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