Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
