yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
