the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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