maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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