I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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