his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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