ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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