My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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