Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
