How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
