then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
