I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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