I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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