And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
