$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
