Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
