Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
