sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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