His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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