dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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