The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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