Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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