Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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