dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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