the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
