i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
