Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
