U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
