new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
