I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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